Helping Your Kids Find God

By Lee Strobel
7.13.06

David Stall: The Two Most Important Prayers for a Child  (1:06) Watch Now>

Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family once told me that he became a Christian when he was three years old. He paused, then added: “I’m not sure what I was repenting of.”

“Terrible two’s?” I ventured.

Actually, many children find faith in Jesus when they are young. So how can we as parents – or grandparents – guide them in their spiritual journey? How can we help them investigate Christianity?

To provide some answers, I interviewed Dave Staal, author of the excellent book Leading Your Child to Jesus. Dave directs the innovative children’s ministry at Willow Creek Community Church outside Chicago and edits Today’s Children’s Ministry, an e-publication and web site from Christianity Today. I posed to Dave the questions that all Christian parents seem to ask about how they can help their children meet Jesus.

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Lee: Obviously, you have experience with kids through your role at Willow Creek, but you also have very practical experience with your own children. Tell me about them and how you’ve helped them understand the Gospel.

Dave: My son, Scott, and daughter, Erin, educated me first—in fact, they still do. Both of them make their confusion clear to me when I’m speaking to them in ways they don’t understand. Their methods vary – grazed-over eyes, lack of interest in continuing a conversation, or simply saying, “What?”

Because of a passion inside me to see them in a relationship with Jesus, I constantly challenge myself to figure out how I can communicate better about God’s truth and love. However, that doesn’t mean more cleverly. When children see a relationship with Christ in action via a parent, then what’s needed is a clear explanation of who, what, when, and why.

I had the privilege of sharing the Gospel plan with Scott and Erin during individual bedtime conversations when they asked about heaven. Of all the thrills I’ve experienced in life, those talks rate tops. I feel fortunate that I was prepared then and for the numerous faith discussions that followed.

Lee: My daughter, Alison, came to faith when she was five. How young can a child really understand and respond to the Gospel?

Dave: Only God knows the definitive answer to that question. But let’s consider a few realities that give us guidance. First, kids possess the capacity for loving relationships at an early age. Kids bond with mom and dad very early in life, and continue to expand their relational circles. Next, all children eventually begin to grasp the concepts of right and wrong, rewards and consequences. The word “eventually” creates the variability that makes a firm minimum age difficult to establish.

At five, Alison no doubt had the cognitive ability to understand. As you know, Jim Dobson describes his salvation experience at age three. Can every three-year-old do the same? Some yes, some no—depending on the child.

I agree with a statement John Trent wrote: “It’s never too early for God’s created people to do the very thing He created them for: to have a deep friendship with Him.” As long as we allow children to have kid-sized relationships with Christ that grow larger as they mature, we can picture the possibility of starting that friendship early in life. The Bible contains no minimum age for salvation.

Lee: How can parents create an environment that’s conducive to talking to their kids about God?

Dave: A few simple steps come to mind. Set aside deliberate time every day or evening to talk about anything a child wants to discuss. This develops an established, reliable communication channel. Make Christ a clear priority in life. That involves enthusiasm for church, but also includes active spiritual practices Monday through Saturday. Start with regular prayers together that equally involve all. We use the four-part ACTS (adoration, confession, thankfulness, supplication) prayer, and each night we rotate the letter each person covers.

Also, bring up God in natural, everyday conversation. For example, my son and I recently cut a neighbor’s yard because a member of their family fell seriously ill. As we put away our lawn equipment, I said that God probably liked what He saw. Simple, unforced, and not a sermon. Yet, it opened the door to talk about God if Scott wanted to. Welcome questions and discipline yourself to provide clear and brief answers—a proven recipe to attract further questions. At times, resist the urge to blurt out an answer, and instead ask, “What do you think?”

Finally, I’ve recently found that my kids love to hear what I’m learning about God, especially the times when I can attribute an action I took or didn’t take to the work going on in my heart.

Lee: How can parents know if their child is ready to hear the Gospel?

Dave: Many times parents will know based on a child’s questions. Again, though, an environment that welcomes questions must exist. Moms and dads typically have a good sense about what interests a child at any given moment

As a parent, prepare yourself to know the components of the Gospel in kid-friendly language so that you know many different directions from which a conversation can approach the salvation plan. Also, acknowledge the reality that a child might need to hear about the Gospel multiple times before he or she makes a decision for Christ.

Finally, make sure the child possesses a genuine, personal desire to enter into a relationship before prompting him or her in a salvation prayer. Peer pressure and meeting parental expectations are strong influencers, so ensure the motivation is from the heart – a child-sized heart, of course!

Lee: What are a few dynamics parents should keep in mind as they talk to their kids about God?

Dave: The place to start is with language. Kids understand concrete terms much better than abstract words. This means you need to filter out religious symbolism and complex analogies. If you say, “The blood of the lamb will wash away your sins,” then any kid will think you’re gross. Tell her that Jesus is willing to be in trouble for the wrong things she does, and you’ll capture some interest. So give strong attention to word choice.

Keep in mind that children have different developmental levels. If you have a five-year-old child, resist the urge to keep up with the apparent spiritual activity of a fifth-grader. On the other hand, my wife and I work real hard to not compare the faiths of our two children because of their three-year age difference.

Although this might seem obvious, make sure that strong consistency exists between the relationship with Christ you want kids to have and the relationship you model every day.

Lee: It seems like all kids love stories. How does that dynamic affect the way we interact with our kids about spiritual matters?

Dave: A story allows kids to engage in what’s being communicated. Kids love to hear about action, and they enjoy imagining scenarios. Midway through a story, ask, “Has that ever happened to you?” when you know the answer is likely yes. Or try, “What would you do?” Don’t make this overly complicated, though. You can score big with a kid if you simply use examples or slices of life that the child can directly relate to when discussing faith issues. To do this, simply picture his or her every day life for a quick moment.

So we’ve established that telling stories is a good communication tool. The application is fairly simple – instead of explaining a spiritual concept, tell a story that involves the concept and/or reference a familiar point from a child’s life. The best example of this is Jesus and His parables—symbolic to us today, direct slices of real life two thousand years ago.

Lee: Is there a simple way of explaining the Gospel to children?

Dave: Yes—know the four components of the Gospel, and share them in a way that makes sense to a child. When you are comfortable with what to say, direct your energy toward how you will say it. To know what will make sense, listen to how kids interact with one another.

Lee: What encouragement would you give to parents about sharing Jesus with their children?

Dave: In a single word: Prepare. You will appreciate every moment you spend now to ready yourself for the moment your child wants to know about Jesus. One never knows when those moments will happen. And while you prepare for what you might say, pray that God will help your child understand Jesus and enter into a loving relationship with Him—regardless of how it happens. After all, God is the one who really does the saving; we just have the privilege of playing a part when He so chooses.

Lee: Your book, Leading Your Child to Jesus, is terrific – very practical and helpful. What were your goals in writing it? Have you heard any stories of parents who’ve put your principles into action?

Dave: I had a two-fold goal. First, I wanted to help parents feel prepared and confident in their ability to engage children in faith discussions. Second, I believe when that first goal happens, then the likelihood increases that parents will have conversations that lead their kids to Christ. Overall, I want to see more kids in relationships with Jesus.

Three weeks before our children’s ministry recently shared the salvation plan, our pastor recommended that parents prepare to discuss Jesus with their kids by reading the book. Many did, and the number of kids who entered into a relationship with Christ was the largest that anyone on our team can remember.

Last weekend, a mother stopped me in the hallway outside our Kindergarten room. She told me that she planned to give the book to a friend because she’d found that it works. She hurried off to the service she was late to attend. I stood still and soaked in the moment. I will forever feel amazed whenever I hear about or see the life-changing work of God.